Jacob calls all his sons together for his final words in Genesis 49, and, boy is he ever candid with them. He tells his sons to listen to him and then he informs each one individually what they can expect going forward. Jacob's approach is straightforward and his words are very telling when it comes to each son's character. As hard as it may have been, Jacob didn't pull any punches. He told/revealed the ugly and undesirable things right along with the good characteristics.
This got me thinking about how we have a tendency to not see, maybe overlook, or simply have an inaccurate perception of what we're like and how we operate. So even though it may be hard to hear, it's good to have someone like a spouse, a parent, a friend, or even a child speak candidly with us...in love.
So how can we make sure we're listening and open to what others tell us about ourselves? How might you go about telling someone something difficult...in love? Tami W.
Said...In Love
First off, it's vital that we establish the relationship of love. Then, we've got to be willing to really check our motives, as well. We can't allow ourselves to say something out of an ulterior motive and claim it to be out of love.
If we're hearing something difficult to hear, then one of our first recourses ought always to be to consider the source. If the source is trustworthy, and someone we know has our best interests at heart, then we can be confident that what's being said is honest and in a spirit of love and concern. When that's the case, we can benefit from such situations if we'll allow ourselves to do so, with God's help.
I really like this reading and question that you pose to us today Tami. I always believe that when we feel critized we have to step back and take a real candid look at what is being said and not act defensively. Usually, the things that we don't want to hear contain a real truth that we need to address, so once we know this we apply it in a positive way and commit to changing for the better.
As for telling someone something difficult in love you first have to have their trust so you don't sound like your attaching them. I believe that some people have been raised to believe that they can do no wrong its all this positive reinforcement even when it isn't necessarily true or required. I believe the cloud of smoke that has permeated them does not allow for any fault-finding in themselves, which only leaves others to take the brunt of their shortcomings. It has something to do with how our parents raised us to pull our weight and be accountable, but was perceived as a negative thing, so to compensate we have gone to the other extreme and truly have not raised accountability in our future generations. This mind set can be the most difficult to penetrate so unless the holy spirit is guiding us our attempts might not be well received.