We don't always get it. I read John 18:1-27 differently than I've ever ready it before today (Tuesday). In the past I've focused mainly on Peter and his denial of Christ. But this time I thought about what Peter and the other disciples must have been experiencing and feeling. Jesus had told them he was going to die, so they knew what was coming. Yet as everything started to unfold, they didn't fully understand. I can really relate to this right now as I walk with my mom through cancer and hospice. I know she is going to be with the Lord soon. But at the same time, I don't fully grasp all the hows and the whys of what's taking place. I know that God is in control, though, and that I can rely on Him to get us through.
So have you had any of these "not fully understanding" experiences? Or maybe you're in one right now? What are some ways we can draw on the Lord and keep Him as our focus? Tami W.
Yes Tami, I've been many times where I've been there, "not fully understanding" moments. One of them was when my Dad passed away in Feb./09. He lived in South America (Paraguay), and I live here in Canada MB. I didn't understand (why) I couldn't talk to my Dad for ones more, as a matter of fact, after He give His life to Jesus, a few Days before His Death. I've never been able to talk to my Dad, sins He give His life to the Lord, and that, I never could understand, but I trust that we will meet in Heaven one Day.
I'll meet you there.
God Bless
My prayers of God's grace & strength are with your mom, you & the family.
The valley of death is a place where there is little understanding and plenty of distress.
Be encouraged by the transparent witness of Asaph in Psalm 77 (NLT). I dare not suggest to equal your situation with his, but we do see his struggle to understand (vs2) & his distress (vs4). His testimony in this dark place was to "...recall ...remember and to think about (God's) Your mighty works." (vs11-12)
Sometimes God's "great wonders" (vs14) aren't always accompanied w/the elements trumpeting His presence (vs16-18). Sometimes His great wonder is that your mom, and you, experience the fulfillment of His promise, "Lo I am with you always..." (Matt.28:20). He will direct through "...a pathway no one knew was there!" (Ps.77:19)
As I send this encouragement to you I also pray for His grace to abide in our LORD's comfort at my appointed time.
May His peace be yours.
Craig Smith
There are many times when i don't grasp why God does the things that he does especailly in death. My mom passed from breast cancer when i was 3 and my sister was 1. She choose to keep and have my sister instead of having an abortion and starting treatment right away. She was at the prime in her life, just starting her family and God cut it short. I have been really angry about this for a long time because He took away a mother that loved me and would have been a great mom and in return i got a stepmom who hated me and my sister and who was/still is taking advantage of my dad because he has money. Whenever i get angry i just think of the great things that i have in my life right now and the lessons that i have learned about how not to treat people and how i am a stronger person right now, so maybe this is why God did it. We never know the real reason until we meet Him and are able ask him ourselves. I just remind myself that He knows better than anyone what He is doing.
Tami, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
God Bless.
Tami, May God continue to bless you and keep you in the palm of his hand on your journey. May he reveal himself to you more now, in the midst of this cancer and hospice experience of your mom, than you have ever felt before.
As a hospice and hospital chaplain, I see hurt people on a daily basis, who hear the words "there's nothing more we can do" and yet at the same they can't hear the words. That is probably how the disciples related to the news that they were hearing.
To me it sounds as if you are preparing yourself (although you can never be "fully prepared") by acknowledging that God is the only one in control and you have the assurance of where your mom is going and that you will be reunited with her in Glory. It doesn't get any better than that!
Two years ago, my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and my brother at the same time contracted Kronkhite Canada Syndrome a colon-cancer like disease that has no cure at this time, he is only 40 years old.
In my sorrow and depression, I wrote this personal letter to God.
A letter to my God,
I'm trying to find something to grab onto, something tangible, something concrete to find an answer to the sadness I'm feeling.
It seems as though I’m slipping down to a pit of sorrow and doubt, confused and wondering, where are you God? Why does sorrow have to be part of living? Why can’t I feel you? My mind knows the truth, but my heart is in doubt because of the piercing pain of desolation.
It seems like I’m in the dark, I thought I knew but now I’m beginning to wonder, do you care oh God? I know of your compassion, because history has shown it, this world would self destruct in a moment if you will allow it. I do not doubt your greatness oh God nor your sovereign will, but I wonder when do you act as the sovereign God and when do you act as my Father? Forgive me o Lord, forgive my little faith, I may never be an Abraham who’s willing to give his own son, I can’t pretend to be a Peter or a Paul who died for their love for you, because I know of your tender mercies, I tend to look for it in these painful times, have mercy on me o Lord and ease my pain.
How do I reconcile my heart with my mind?
My mind is sure, yet why is my heart uncertain?
I’m conscious of Your love displayed through out history, from the time of creation to Your plan of salvation, You cared enough to share and experience pain, sorrow and suffering from a human perspective, I have no doubt about Your love, but I have a lingering question that I just couldn’t deny. Oh Lord, do you care about my sorrow?
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Here's the answer I found in God's Word.
Yes He does and always have, the truth of the matter is, in this fallen world we can only know God intellectually like Job knew God, but we can only experience God when we are in helpless conditions, when everything fails, and only a super natural and sovereign God is able to provide the answer, that’s when we know Him even more than we ever thought and imagined. As Job puts it in his own words after his own miserable experiences, “my ears have heard of You, now my eyes have seen You”, words that resonate relief, peace, assurance, and confidence in the God that now, he doesn't only know through his mind, but have met and experienced and understood in a more personal level. That's why when Jesus meets us He meets us only at the cross where we can empty ourselves and give it all to Him and experience Him personally. Praise be His name, forever and ever. Amen!
You know Tami, I went through the vary same thing some eight years ago with my mom. I had 5 other brothers and sisters,and I was number 4 of 3boys and 3girls. I guess I could say that my mom and I,had A little more in common. Like, making things more beautiful around the house,like she would want her house painted, and she would ask me to do it.Almost like she could depend on me not to give her a hard time on saying yes. I did her landscape, wash her car, or wipe it down every morning, things like that! she would give me a little change for it,with saying that she did'nt have to do it!And she did'nt ,I loved her so much!Know Tami I still miss her alot today, but I know shes in heaven, and I plan to go there too.I know it is hard for you,but don't let go of God unchanging hand. God bless you and your family!I love ya'll in christ!
I can relate to so many of the comments. In addition to that, I have been the main emotional support to my mom when my step-father died last year. That's a whole different ball game than losing my dad some 30 years ago. It was different for my mom as well. I read Psalm 23 very differently now. "Through the shadow of death" doesn't mean just the one that is sick. It also means the loved ones that are suffering emotionally, grieving the loss of the loved one. God is always our strength and support along with family and friends who are in our support group.
I believe that we all have times that we do not fully understand the why of our circumstance. However all things happen for a reason for God has planned it all, that is not to say that we should dismiss circumstances as a cliche saying "everything happens for a reason".
My grandmother has lymphoma and is undergoing chemo. It is difficult for me to understand why she has cancer. She practically raised my brother and I as we were growing up, so she is like a mother. She always had strength to work and to raise two grandchildren, and now she has cancer. This is not weakening her spirit though.
My grandmother has a strength that one that is not a believer could have. She still maintains a garden, quilts, and travels other family members that are ill. It is amazing that she has the strength to do all of those things.
My prayers are for you Tami and all of you who shared your comments. I believe that we can learn from each other and give each other courage and strength. We can draw strength from each other and draw on the strength of Jesus; for when the officers answered Jesus' question they were looking for Jesus of Nazareth. He answered "I am he"; he had such strength that the officers fell back. We can truly have the strength from Jesus to go through the circumstances of our lives. God Bless you all.
Just recently and until now, there have been dramatic changes in my life and my family....changes that caused us so much pain and discomfort, anxiety, frustration..my husband and I lost our jobs and now we have to move out from our house and share shelter with a bretheren in Christ. When I thought of God's promises unto us, I knew that they were true and He will fulfill them...But as I look at our situation right now, His plans doesn't seem quite manifested..and I can't fully understand..I thought it doesn't make sense...I went back to His word..and I found reassurance that He will never forsake nor leave us in andy season of our lives..He is faithful to complete what He has begun in our lives....For that it brought me back to focus in Jesus who is in control of everything and who can change the circumstances in our life...Glory to God!
Tami,
I know what you are going through. My Dad passed away from lung cancer back in Sept. 08. It was awful to watch him die and it changed my life. I know that he's with the Lord now and is healed. Death is ugly...but we know that Jesus conquered death and I thank God that my Dad was a believer! God Bless you
Thank you for all who posted comments on this. Just like most of you I too have been going through a very tough time in my life for sometime now. But your comments strengthened me. I know that God is above my situation & working on it. God bless you all.
P4 Bloggers,
Thank you all so much for your comments and encouraging words. I didn't even realize how much I needed them until I read them. As things look right now, this may be the last day I have with my mom. She is ready and waiting to meet her Heavenly Father and Savior. I am so thankful for that and for the godly example she has been all of her life. Tami W.